Being an ‘Inbetweener’ in your twenties

April 8, 2018
Image: Instagram @TeyanaTaylor

“Positive thinking is powerful thinking. If you want happiness, fulfillment, success and inner peace, start thinking you have the power to achieve those things. Focus on the bright side of life and expect positive results.”
― Germany Kent


Many associate being an inbetweener with High School. The kid that doesn’t know where to fit in or doesn’t associate with the Jocks, the Preps, the Geeks or any other clique. I’m talking about being an inbetweener in your twenties. That awkward stage where everyone seems to be buying a house, getting married or having kids. Well that is exactly where many people and I are at this moment.

It might feel like the pressure is ‘on’ when all of that is happening around you and you actually want the same things. A lot of us women dream of the white picket fence with the pet, a house, loving kids and a husband/wife. Society wants us to get married or have kids at a certain age and if you don’t, people start to think something’s wrong with you. This is the same in our African culture. If you’re not married by the age of 25 you’ll have a couple of aunties giving you the side-eye while asking you when you’ll be introducing your fiancé to the family.

I will admit that there was a time that marriage before I turned 25 was one of my goals but I truly believe now that I wouldn’t not have been ready for it and I’m glad that I am where I’m at now (25). Why is everyone trying to race to the altar and having the best wedding when those are just two quick moments of a lifetime journey?


“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is “timing”
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.”

― Fulton J. Sheen


WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST. Focus on yourself first. Those are the things that I had to learn because once all of the above was all I ever wanted before I turned 25. Do I still want the kids, the house, the pets and the husband? YOU D*MN RIGHT! But there are also a lot of things I’d like to do before that. It’s been four whole years since my last relationship and I didn’t even realize that until last week. You don’t have a lot of time to think about that (you will at times! it’s human) when you’re healing, learning, loving and taking care of yourself.  These things are important in order to love and take care of someone else. Start doing things you enjoy like traveling, hang out with friends, read self improvement books. Write down your goals or start crossing things off your bucketlist. Work towards your dream job, your dream house or ultimate holiday destination.

There’s a reason why things don’t happen at the time you want. Remember what they say, “When you make plans God laughs”. Everything will fall into place when the timing is just right. It will come when it’s right for you.


“Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? ”

– Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists



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